Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
