Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize