Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
