You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
