why do cheetos always look like penises
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
