I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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