you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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