oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
