my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
