There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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