hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
