Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
