Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
