See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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