We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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