he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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