why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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