So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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