He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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