her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
