You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
