I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
