Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
