ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
