Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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