:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
