So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
