Christians are straight up FREAKS
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
