You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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