What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
