I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
