hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
