Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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