ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
