my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You are a genius and a whore.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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