I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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