I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
