drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
