Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize