Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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