I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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