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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
