I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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