Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
