I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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