They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
