just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
