aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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