y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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