he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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