I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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