I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
