You work out of a Hotel?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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