Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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