He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
