I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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