he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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