So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
