i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
