dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
