you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I want is dick and wine.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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