I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize