I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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