I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
