so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
