Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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