WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
