Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
