It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
