just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I sprained my soul last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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