i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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