just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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