I want you more than these girls want KFC
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
