He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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