the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
