Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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