oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
