Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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