that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
