are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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