It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
