He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
