Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
