My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
