I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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