put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
