I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
