it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
