This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
