i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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