and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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