we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize