Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
