I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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