I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
